Thursday, May 8, 2014

Day 1 - The Beginning

Here I am in my crap er craft room on Day 1 of the rest of my life.  I weighed 190 lbs that day.  I was shocked to see that number.  For some reason I had it in my head perhaps I was 185 - do not know WHY I thought that would be a better weight but I did.  Its amazing the mental things we do with ourselves.  I look in the mirror, I do not see that heavy a person.  I see the rolls but I don't fully get the whole picture until... I see a picture.  Then I see it.  Fat.  Overweight.  Unhealthy.  Unattractive.

When did that creep on?  Sometime over the past 15 yrs or so I have probably been putting on an average of 4 extra pounds or more a year.  Doesn't sound like much but when you add it up (4 x 15 = 60 lbs wholly crap) it suddenly becomes what seems an insurmountable amount of weight.  Over the past 15 years I have lost weight.  I did the Jenny Craig thing and lost about 25 lbs.  That crept back on.  I joined a circuit based gym like Curves and lost 20 lbs - they closed after a year and I stopped and up it went again.  I tried Ideal Protein - gross and didn't help that I also had a bad flu that started at the exact same time so that didn't work and I can't even think about their crappy protein "food" without feeling nauseous and retching a bit.

So what do you do?  You make a vow to yourself every single year that this year is going to be the year!  Yay, gonna walk more, eat less, deprivation....nope that is not going to work.  Maybe for a week or two but over the long haul? No.  Did I join a gym or fitness club?  No. Why?  Cost for one and the fact that I have been running a dancer daughter around and then a university student so where do I fit that in?  Also I like to have a shower, Curves - as good as it may be for many people - doesn't have shower facilities so not going to like that. Proximity is also (or was) a need.  I know me.  Easy to get to, morning access, shower facilities so I can then go to work - all seemingly important to me.

So, what made me do it.  Here are a few reasons, some selfish/perhaps a tad ridiculous and others very real.  1) I am married to an incredibly attractive active man
2) I look horrible in a bathing suit :(
3) I feel too subconscious to enjoy sex - see #1
3) All my friends are younger women married to older men  - see #1
And realistic - 4) My arms and back ache after holding my granddaughter for 5 minutes (she's 4 months old and only 15.5 lbs)
5) My 3 grand kids need a gammy that's able to keep up with them
6) My current and future grand kids need a gammy that's AROUND (and not round)

Do those sound about right?  I know I should be doing it for myself too so I'll make that #7, I need to like myself again and feel good about myself.

So that was 14 days ago as of tomorrow.  What progress have I made in those 14 days?  I will chronicle my day to day experience as I head towards my goal of losing weight (min 40 lbs - ideally 50), getting more fit, having more stamina and regaining some strength.  I am sure there will be tears, ups and downs and perhaps a few laughs along the way.

Follow along as I journey towards health and well-being.  Wish me luck ;)


1 comment:

  1. You can do it!!! Just gotta take it one day at a time, focus on the positive, and set small, attainable goals that will get you to your big goal. xo